A Coffee Maker for Each Enneagram Type

At some point in the last year someone has asked your Enneagram number. In the very least, you have seen a social media bio with a strange set of numbers and letters (3w2, ENTP, Ravenclaw). The ninefold personality test has reached popular culture tipping point territory, and while I’m not sure if the Enneagram can be used to predict taste preferences, I think there is undoubtedly an ideal coffee maker for each of the nine Enneagram types. Not sure what number you are? Take the test, and see if our assessment is right.

1s: Bonavita Batch Brewer

Coffee is coffee. It should be simple, straightforward, and, most importantly, ethically sourced. So goes the logic of the Enneagram one. Often called “the Reformer,” Enneagram ones are driven by a strong, internalized sense of right or wrong, and the right way to drink coffee is black. An affordable, no-nonsense, SCA-certified coffee maker like the Bonavita BV1901 is the perfect coffee maker for an Enneagram one.

2s: Chemex

Enneagram twos are friendly, generous, and sacrificial. They would never dream of making coffee without offering some to everybody, so naturally a Chemex is the best option to ensure there’s enough to go around. And if not, don’t worry, twos will gladly give up their cup to make sure you’re taken care of.

3s: Hario V60

Fox in the Snow Cafe

Threes are driven by achievement and recognition. Upon learning that making a proper pour-over requires careful technique and precision, 3s will immediately order a Hario V60 on Amazon (along with a variable temperature gooseneck kettle, of course), and start watching youtube tutorials. They’ve tried all of the recipes and they’ve developed a hybrid approach that combines the best of all of them. They’ve likely recommended a particular brand of scale to someone who neither asked for advice nor plans to buy a scale. And yes, their hand grinder was probably more expensive than your electric one.

4s: Aeropress

Fours are the individualist. Their core driver is to be a unique and autonomous inidividual, and there is no brewing device better suited for a four than an Aeropress. It’s different. It’s distinct. It fits easily on your desk so that everyone knows you’re not some pleb that drinks the free office coffee. Alternatively, they use a handmade ceramic dripper they made themselves.

5s: Breville Precision Brewer

The five has done all of the research and read all of the reviews. They can list the make and model number of each device in the category. They’ve made a spreadsheet to compare and contrast the pros and cons of each device. They have absolute certainty they have selected the best coffee maker, which of course is the Breville Precision Brewer. Oh, your coffee maker is SCA certified? That’s a nice start. Does it have single degree temperature control? Programmable prewet percentages? Conical and flat bottom basket options? Not that a five would ask you any of that— they’re content to know they’re at home drinking the best coffee possible.

6s: French Press

Enneagram type 6, the Loyalist, tends to be group-oriented, dependable, and reliable, just like a French press. Sixes know French presses are a little old fashioned, but they like that you know what you’re going to get. Pour-overs somehow feel too risky and inconsistent. Besides, they want to brew enough to share with the friend they’re asking for advice from.

7s: Moka Pot (still gets take out)

Your typical 7 owns a French press, a pour-over dripper, and Aeropress, but they’re all gathering dust in a forgotten corner of a kitchen cabinet. The go-to coffee brewer of the Enneagram 7 is a Bialetti Moka Pot that reminds them of their trip to Italy. Though to be honest, even that is seldom used in favor of a quick coffee shop run.

8s: Espresso Machine

Decent Espresso Machine

Eights are strong, intense, and divisive, just like espresso. They tend to be CEOs or politicians. Perhaps it’s not surprisingly that there’s a 100% chance that the customer bragging to their barista about the new espresso machine they just bought is an eight. The wrong sort of eight buys a Nespresso machine, but with any luck, you might be the sort of 8 that buys a Breville Infuser or even a Decent Espresso DE1+. After all, that Americano “just tastes bolder” than filter coffee.

9s: Instant coffee ( or tea)

The Enneagram 9 cares far more about drinking from their favorite mug than what device was used to brew it. Whatever coffee brewer they’re using, it’s likely simple and unobtrusive. If it’s not their parents’ old Mr. Coffee, it might even be instant coffee– hopefully something specialty grade from a company like Voila. If not, there’s a pretty good chance they’re sipping on a cup of chamomile tea.

For more coffee-related Enneagram content, we love the Instagram account Enneagram and Coffee.

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