Jim Gaffigan’s 9 Best One-liners about Coffee

Jim Gaffigan coffee

You know craft coffee has gone mainstream when stand-up comics are ripping on it. In Jim Gaffigan’s book Food: A Love Story he dedicates several pages to how his caffeine addiction led to an appreciation of specialty coffee. The result is both a well-deserved lampooning and an affectionate apologetic for boutique coffee. Here are our nine favorite zingers from the book.  

1. “Coffee shops like Starbucks and their boutique coffee shop competitors seemed annoying to me. Why was everyone so pompous and aloof? I’m here for coffee, not to write the next great American novel.”

2. “I didn’t understand why I should have to wait longer to pay more for a cup of coffee.”

3. “The desire for good-tasting coffee is a secondary step in the coffee addiction.”

4. “I like my coffee strong, black, and frequent.”

5. “Okay expensive strong coffee, you win. I’m lost without you. Where do I send all of my money?”


6. “The wait I encounter in coffee shops still annoys me a little. I hold myself barking at the people in line before me ‘Just order! You are getting a beverage, not picking a college to attend!'”

7. “I go to coffee shops for good coffee, and amateurs go for coffee-flavored milkshakes.”

8. “There is not being-in-a-hurry slow, and then there is ‘I work-in-a-boutique-coffee-shop” slow.”

9. “Now I understand that the people who work in coffee shops are entitled to act self-important. After all, they are the first responders of everyone’s day… They are heroes, really. Or drug dealers.”

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